Back down to earth

“It’s not the despair – I can take the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand.”

John Cleese probably didn’t have Queens Park Rangers in mind when he uttered that immortal line in the film Clockwise – in fact as far as I’m aware he has no affiliation with the club (athough my grandad did use to service his car at a garage in Holland Park).

But the phrase was quite possibly at the forefront of many QPR fans’ minds after the heroics against Liverpool were followed by a pitiful display at Sunderland.

The villain of the piece, once again, was Djibril Cisse or ‘Agent Cisse’ as a Chelsea mate of mine has labelled him, convinced the Frenchman was parachuted into W12 by Roman Abramovich as payback for ‘Terrygate’.

“It was a good week for Roberto Di Matteo’s side – but even they had to bow down to Brentford when it came to dishing out the award for west London’s team of the week.”

Cisse received his second red card in four games since joining the R’s after a wild lunge at Fraizer Campbell in the 3-1 defeat at the Stadium of Light.

Curious to see if this hothead – who will now spend seven of his first 12 Rangers games suspended – had reached double figures for red cards during his tempestuous career, I decided to look up his stats on Soccerbase.

The results were not what I was expecting. To my astonishment, Cisse has only been sent off twice since making his professional debut – once against Wolves, once against Sunderland, both within the last eight weeks . This could only happen at QPR.

In truth, Rangers could have had 14 players on the pitch in Wearside and still would have lost, suggesting that incredible 12 minutes against Liverpool was just a flash in the pan.

And let’s be honest, it was only Liverpool, who got turned over by Wigan at Anfield in their next game.

Fulham can count themselves unlucky not to have left Old Trafford with a point on Monday night.

Danny Murphy was clearly hacked down by Michael Carrick, yet referee Michael Oliver waved play on.

Still, it was hardly surprising given that the last time an opposition player got anything up there, Terry and June was considered cutting edge comedy.

Chelsea's hero in Lisbon.

Sir Alex Ferguson graciously accepted it was a stonewaller – although you suspect he might have had a different view if it had been awarded and put away.

Goal-line technology technophobes Uefa would argue that their highly successful experiment of having an additional two assistants on the line may have helped, although judging by Wednesday night’s shocker at the San Siro, Barcelona might not agree.

The Catalan giants had to settle for a 0-0 draw in the end but moved a significant step closer to a Champions League semi-final showdown with Chelsea.

Blues supporters were saluting The Man Who Came in From the Cold after Soloman Kalou netted the only goal against Benfica in Portugal.

The Ivorian, cruelly dubbed ‘Hasn’t Got A’ by an old colleague of mine, popped up in the 75th minute following a pinpoint cross from Fernando Torres to leave Chelsea firm favourites to progress.

Indeed, winning the Champions League may be the best chance Chelsea have of qualifying for next year’s tournament after a goalless draw with Spurs kept them five points adrift of their London rivals in the race for the final qualifying spot.

All in all, though, it was a good week for Roberto Di Matteo’s side – but even they had to bow down to Brentford when it came to dishing out the award for west London’s team of the week.

The Bees went into last weekend on the back of three straight defeats and without a goal for five hours.

Two games, six points and five goals later they had seen off Rochdale and Preston, with their slim hopes of a play-off place resurrected.

To top it all off, ‘Chertsey Gaz’ wrote this on the Griffin Park Grapevine after spotting new signing Clinton Morrison on the sidelines against Rochdale: “He must have signed at least 30 autographs for the kids during the second half, with Uwe Rosler watching but turning a blind eye.”

It’s stories like this that restore your faith in The Beautiful Game.

Before I go, news has just been leaked about the brief team talk Arsene Wenger will give his men before they stride out onto the Loftus Road turf on Saturday: ”Fill yer boots, lads.”

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